05 December 2008 @ 03:06 pm
I’m sorry for not being a proper teammate for these 4 years. I know it’s really quite rare to see me at certain events like chalet for the past 3 years and orientation for the sec ones. I believe I haven’t really gone for much training at all. I apologize. I have many commitments, like how my parents insist that I stay at home when I can, because we rarely get to spend quality time together. And I also have something that might not seem true to all of you, but it really is true for me.
A certain senior used to say that we should be closer to our teammates since we will stay together for 4 years while classmates only for 2 years. It really isn’t so. I remember we were split up really early in sec one, so we didn’t really get much of a chance to bond with each other. And I didn’t really take well to the team either, because it was quite stressful for me to be playing under the coach. I know I’m not good at netball, but I did try. I really did. It just doesn’t help when people criticize your every move as I’m the kind of person who thrives on encouragement and praise. I felt really ostracized when I was in the team, and it didn’t make me feel good at all. I even felt a little relieved to be rid of all the stress.
I’ve wanted to get closer to the rest of our batch for a long time. But I feel really awkward most of the time, because that gap from sec one has widened, and the chasm is really hard to bridge. I’ve always had the feeling that certain people disliked me, from the way that they speak and act, but it’s only recently I realized that maybe, that’s just how they treat their friends. It’s not animosity. It’s just in their character.
How ironic that I should realize this only now. I’ve unknowingly wasted the time I could have spent with this bunch of nice people hesitating and being doubtful about everything. For the first time, I understood just how detached I was from the rest of the team when no one could think of any good thing to say about me, because no one knew me. I was nothing more than a minor acquaintance, when I was supposed to be a supportive teammate.
To all of you, thanks for making me part of this group of fantastic people. I will not be joining netball as a CCA in JC, but I will always remember the valuable lesson that I’ve been taught: it takes 2 hands to clap. If one side is not willing to contribute, than nothing will be accomplished. I can’t make people accept me if I don’t accept them first. In the CCA that I will join in JC, I will not make the same mistake again.
Keep in contact, and all the best in your future endeavours.
Current Location: at home
Current Mood: Exanimate
Current Music: none
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