02 May 2009 @ 04:39 pm
Many things have been happening around me such that I don’t even know where to start. Well, let’s see… Let’s start with the root of all problems: me.
Earlier this year, there was a guy (let’s call him A) who was… romantically inclined towards me. He confessed to me about it, but because it was so sudden, I turned him down almost immediately, because I felt that I was not ready to commit to a relationship.
A short while after that, another guy came along (let’s call him B) whom I felt attracted to. Under some strange circumstances, he knew about my feelings towards him, and we agreed that we would get to know each other better before doing anything else. But later, he seemed to be giving out the wrong signals: he was doing things that made me think he was in love with another girl. Whether he really was or not, I decided that I couldn’t go on like that with him, and we later agreed that we would remain as good friends, and nothing more.
A little while later, a guy (let’s call him C) popped out… okay he didn’t pop out. He was there a long time ago… He revealed that he had liked me since a long time ago. He knew about the existence of A, and of B, and he was someone that I could talk to. I had no feelings for him at the start, but as we got to know each other a little more, I felt that… it was possible… between us. After a while, he began to make his feelings known to me, and I decided that we could… try it out. So, we agreed to give each other a chance to get to know the other party better.
Now, let’s see. What does knowing a person for 2 years mean? Being in the same class and doing stuff together… Does that count as simply an acquaintance or can that person be someone that you might be able to talk to about your troubles?
Someone that I thought was a close friend whom I could count on for advice severely disappointed me. We worked together for certain events in the past, and we would chat with each other quite often as well. Recently, she began to give me the cold shoulder. When I actually went up to her to talk to her about any misunderstandings that might have occurred between the two of us, she actually said that it might not be worth talking to me about it at all. What does this mean? That she wouldn’t even bother about any opinion that I might have? That our friendship wasn’t worth salvaging?
But that’s not all. I told her about certain events in my life, such as my chaotic relationships with guys, and she actually feels disgusted with me for “encouraging people to fight on and then leave them hanging”. I thought she understood that I needed time to sort my feelings out, and that I wanted to get to know people more before I jumped into any kind of relationship. What is she suggesting by saying that I leave people hanging? That I am a flirt? That I toy with guys’ feelings? That I play with people’s emotions before abandoning them? Is that what she thinks is happening? Is this what she thinks I am like, after knowing me for more than 2 years? I am hurt, and sorely disgusted that she could even think this way of me.
What should I do? I didn't believe that any friendship was so unimportant that it wasn't worth a second effort. I have no idea about what the other party wants to do, or doesn't want to do. I'll leave it to time to sort things out for now.
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