Narcissism

20 March 2008 @ 05:55 pm

Narcissism is a word which means vanity, self-absorption, egotism, selfishness, conceit, and self-importance. Have you come across a person who has all these characteristics? If so, does it make you feel annoyed and disgusted at times? I certainly think so. Especially if you’re the kind, like me, who tells friends about their weaknesses, hoping that they would take your advice and try to improve.

I have a friend who is like that. She thinks she is very smart, very capable, and way above everyone else. And she is not afraid to say so. Quite the opposite, in fact. She loves to tell everyone how wonderful she thinks she is, and the most annoying thing is that there is another friend in class who happens to be very influenced by her. She even announced that she wanted to be her disciple in her ways of egotism. Can you believe that?

I’m not saying that this friend of mine has no right to be confident. She is good in her academics, and she did top the class last year. She has good ideas most of the time, and her Chinese and Japanese are way better than mine (Whose isn’t?). But it’s very annoying, especially when she tells you right in your face, “I am smarter than you.” Or “You suck, PX.” I mean, I have my pride too, you know. She goes around hurting people without knowing it. I have felt so angry I wanted to shout something in my own defense, but I managed to control my emotions and not have to stoop to the level of kindergarten children. I can tell you it’s not easy.

And it’s not like academics means everything. I’m pretty happy with the way that I am, even if I don’t excel at any one thing. Life goes far, far beyond the classroom, and I’m sure I will find my calling someday.
Okay, now back to the topic at hand. I was also very angry at the fact that someone would want to emulate her self-absorbed ways. Wouldn’t you be? Narcissism is nothing good. It makes people hate you. It makes people ostracize you for your arrogance. I am totally disgusted, and my feelings are so strong they simply cannot be put into uncensored words. I’ve tried dropping hints. I’ve even told her outright that egotism is a disgusting thing. But it’s not working as well as I had hoped.

Now why am I so worked up about this? Because I want her to change. I want her to understand this fact. I don’t want to have to hate her (although she really is starting to get on my nerves) because I want to stay friends.

When I was younger, my parents and teachers used to criticize me for being proud. I never thought that anyone would find me proud. I mean, I never looked down on anyone, and I never felt that I was the best at anything. I really didn’t get these dumb adults who thought they knew it all and I used to get really upset about it.

I used to be really sensitive too. I flared up at every little thing that made me angry. I cried at every little thing I felt injustice at. I’m quite pleased to say that I’m no longer like that. I’ve tried to control my anger a lot and it’s all right now. Not many people can tell that I’m angry because I just act cool and collected like it doesn’t affect me at all. Another thing is that I used to say whatever I wanted to say, and this hurt a lot of people. I lost a whole group of friends with this.

I decided to change because I decided that it wasn’t good for people to have bad impressions of me. After all, it is better to have more friends than enemies (And oh boy did I have many enemies). And I didn’t want to lose my friends anymore. It’s not a nice feeling being lonely.

Well, the fact is that I have matured through all these experiences. I think about consequences before I say or do anything (er. Most of the times. But adults who think they know everything still piss me off). And by trying to change someone, I’m simply sharing my own experience learnt from past mistakes that I’ve committed.

Sigh. I really hope she takes the hint soon. It’s disgusting to hear her spouting words of conceit.


Current Location: At home
Current Mood: Pensive
Current Music: Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater [Main Theme]