28 September 2009 @ 06:57 pm

I can’t handle the pressures and problems that my relationship is giving me. It’s so painful, having to keep telling myself that he doesn’t doubt me, that he trusts me fully, and that he feels that he just wants to protect me, that’s all. Although I guess I can believe that, but every time this insecurity thing pops up again, I just fall into despair. How can I solve this problem? How, exactly… I guess that’s the million-dollar question right now.

Then he tells me that it was never about insecurity. It was just that he found it a little scandalous. I understand that he doesn’t like the guy, but no matter what happens, I will never allow that guy to break up my relationship with him. So whatever he does or says to me, he will always be a friend, and just a friend. I have never asked him to like all my friends, nor do I ever force myself to like his many close female friends either. So why can’t he just let it be already? Just… let it be.

Okay, so he said he’ll let it be. He doesn’t doubt me, and never will.

I really hope that it’s a one-off thing, and that it doesn’t keep coming back to haunt my relationship with him. I wanna try and help solve this problem, but if it entails me never talking to guys again, I don’t think I can ever accept that kind of condition. He has no right to interfere with the kind of friends that I make, just as I have no right to interfere in his friendships. The two of us are one, yet we are also separate human beings. We have our own characters, and our own lives to lead.

君を愛してるから、苦しくて、悲しかった。
私は何をすることが分からない。
迷ってしまったんだ。
一体何をするかな。


Current Mood: crushed